What is the Dating Culture in Germany

What is the Dating Culture in Germany

If we’re talking about the Dating Culture in Germany than there is no formal dating approach, like day 1 meet at the restaurant, day 2 hold hands, day 3 kiss, day 4 have sex. It is rather when you meet with others of the same interest group and you come closer.

There are clubs, where you dance and invite for breakfast “Weißwurstfrühstück”.

Special events are good. You have to have a good answer when you are asked where did you meet first. We met first, at the Oktoberfest. We met first at the FavBand concert. We met first at Spanish course in the Volkshochschule. We met first at a carnival. We met first at the motorcycle parts shop. et cetera.

Few reasons why you should date a German.

  1. They’re in it for the long-term
    Most Germans will date you for a much longer period of time that might happen elsewhere. They’ll be in a relationship with you for many years before they decide on the next step, the big M for marriage.
  2. German women like an old-fashioned gent
    Most German women like a man to be a gentleman and love to be treated like a woman. Forget about the rules such as “after the third date, I should be able to expect such and such from them”. That doesn’t work for most Germans.
  3. If you meet the friends, you’re on the right track
    You are heading the right way if your date asks you to join them to spend time with friends at someone’s house. Germans like to keep a close, intimate circle of friends.

Dating German men

German men have a reputation for being insensitive, self-serving and cold. However, there are always exceptions to the rule. By contrast, some German men are surprisingly sensitive, almost to the point of being insecure and unsure of themselves. A man like this may even question a woman’s motives if she approached him to chat.

There is a tendency among German men to date women who are much younger than they are. This more for the fun of dating and socialising rather for long-term or serious relationships. Usually, German men do not plan to wed or have any sexual relations with these younger women.

Dating German women

Dating a German woman follows the standard rules for dating women; you either impress her, or you do not. Most women will not get offended if you pay the bill, though they do not expect you to do so. If they want to split the bill, they will just tell you.

Born and raised in a country where both genders are equal, German women are dominant in most facets of life. They like to laugh, know how to have a good time, and will probably drink you under the table. They are not used to being propositioned in the streets and most German ladies hate machismo. The fairer German sex is not used to compliments on their appearance, because German men are simply not good at this.

Tips for socialising with Germans

Meeting people is easy. Younger people tend to meet at bars and clubs, while the older generation tends to move within their circles of friends. Surprisingly, Germans are flirtatious and more cheeky than they will admit. Eye contact is very important; you need to show that you are confident but not arrogant.

If you have problems engaging with people outside, you can try using dating apps like Tinder, Badoo, or FindMate. There are always easier options for introverts and I would recommend checking them out.

Dating Culture in Germany vs Dating Culture in the US

Germans and Americans have a few different standards regarding what constitutes “politeness”. Americans tend to define politeness in terms of “friendliness”: smiling, telling “white lies” to avoid hurting people’s feelings, pretending to like people even if we don’t, saying “Hi, how are you?” whether we really care how they are or not, etc. Germans, however, tend to consider “respect” to be the proper way to show “politeness”, and “respect” assumes that the other person wants an honest answer, not some pretty little “white lie”.

Dating culture in Germany:

  1. Two people meet and get to know each other.
  2. While Americans are largely fine with meeting a stranger for one hour before arranging a date, Germans prefer to take much longer. They prefer to meet through trusted circles, to get to know someone for longer, typically through groups of friends, before developing it into something romantic. This is one reason why online dating is slow to take hold in Germany.
  3. If a German woman accepts an invitation to meet alone, she will/may NOT interpret this as a “First Date” or a clear indication of romantic interest. She will/may think of it as “Getting to know this person better”.
  4. At some point, from this process, two Germans will somehow become a couple. Commonly, groups of friends who know each other over long periods like to party together, and eventually, people simply pair off from the group. One drunken make-out (within a group of long-time friends) often creates a couple.
  5. While many Americans date numerous people at the same time before going exclusive, Germans find this offensive.
  6. Funnily enough, online dating is introducing some concepts of US-style dating to Germany. Online dating is big in the US, but it only changes step #1 of the dating process: meeting and exchanging numbers. After that, dating is the same as it’s been for decades. But since Germans never really HAD a dating culture, online dating is introducing them to the whole dating concept.
  7. For Americans, a date is no big deal. It’s low commitment, you can leave any time, and never see this person again if you don’t want to. That goes completely opposite to almost everything in German culture. Germans let few people in person, but once you’re in it’s for life. They are polite people, and may not feel comfortable asking for, accepting, or declining a date invitation, because not everyone agrees what the expectations are.

Dating culture in the US:

  1. Two people meet (at a bar, party, school, work, online dating), and get to know each other (years, months, days, hours, minutes, a few messages).
  2. The guy invites the woman to meet alone, which both understand as a statement of romantic interest. By accepting the invitation, the woman indicates she has some romantic interest or at least the potential. If the woman has none, she will decline.
  3. Go on a First Date: drinks, sometimes dinner, an event, whatever. A kiss or three is expected if both have a good time.
  4. If one/both did NOT have a good time (or if it fails to develop into a romantic spark), they will often never see each other again. Or sometimes agree to meet again as friends only.
  5. If both had a good time, the Second Date. Again: alone at a dinner, drinks, event. More kissing expected. Go on more dates. In big cities, young adults expect to sleep together around date 3-5.
  6. If you are still talking at this point, you are officially “dating”. But, both are often free to go on dates with other people, and perhaps even sleep with them, depending on the norms.
  7. To be “in a relationship”, i.e. to identify as “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” requires an explicit or implicit agreement to date exclusively. Sometimes called “the Talk” or DTR (“define the relationship”).

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